Strange Nikolai

not a stormtrooper

What I hate today… old people

Not old people like your grandma. I’m sure she’s um… lovely….

My grandmother is fantastic. She’s ninety something and just a little bit racist in that ironic-I’m-an-immigrant-so-I’m-allowed-to-be way. Most grandparents are a little bit racist I think, but she has an excuse. Ha. Suck on that… Who am I talking to? You. Everyone. I bet your grandparents weren’t refugees escaping a war-torn country’s miltary junta, leaving all their worldy possessions except what they could hide in their underwear (in her case – rubies. Nice job Grandmama!! I bet that was uncomfortable)… Actually that’s more likely than I initially thought… Well. Good on you then. Feel special now do we?

No, I’m talking about random old people. Old people you don’t know. In the street. Walking at a snails pace. Getting in your way. Taking up all the bus seats (one more reason to hate the loser cruiser). Stinking of pee. WHERE ARE YOU ALL GOING OLD PEOPLE?

Well, today the tables were turned. I got told off for getting in a old persons way on the footpath. What?!? How did that happen? Were you dawdling, was it SuperGran?


No, it was just a grumpy old man on a mobility scooter. Apparently in the 3 metres I came out of the coffee shop and walked towards my work, I stopped him passing me “FOUR BLOODY TIMES! WOULD YOU BLOODY WELL DECIDE WHICH WAY YOU ARE GOING?”. Heh. Take that old people. Just some of the frustration the rest of us feel walking behind you. Just cos your legs don’t work anymore doesn’t mean you have to race along the footpath.

I’m not going to be an old man like that. I will get someone to deliver my groceries and spend all my time in my “curio shop” which will be called “Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds” (guess why?)

Strangely Nikolai




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