Strange Nikolai

not a stormtrooper

English people

I went to the London Zoo. Such a wide array of grunting smelly peabrained beasts. And I’m not talking about the animals. Boom. Classic pullback joke. It’s lazy joke writing at it’s best right here – well, maybe second best.. or third…

But seriously now (<<classic segue right there) it was madness, every fourth person we saw was pregnant, every third person has at least one child in tow and every second person we saw was smoking. Which, if you do the math, might suggest that every 24th person was pregnant, with more children in tow, and smoking. Which is about right…

We went to the “Gorilla Encounter”. What a fucking ridiculous name – it wasn’t an “encounter”, it was more  “gawk at the sleeping gorillas through the glass”. Anyway as we were walking in with all the chavs I was thinking – who would win in the fight between a chav and a gorilla. Well, it has to be the gorilla doesn’t it. And then I figure the gorilla would also win in the categories of IQ and beauty.

The zoo was nice though, just the bloody people. Which is what you can say about London in general…

Something else I saw today – at the other end of the social sprectrum – not someone walking their dog in their car, but this is the picture I found. No, it was two young girls on their bikes – with their mum driving along next to them. Not fast – barely more than walking pace.

There are 4 things that bothered me about this.
1) How fucking lazy do you have to be to DRIVE along while your daughters go for a bike ride? Well, maybe, just maybe, you have a broken leg and can’t walk or ride along with them… but then…
2) How fucking paranoid do you have to be to insist on driving along with your daughters when they go for a bike ride? This is not Harlem or Essex I’m talking about here – this is fucking Walton-on-Thames, where every house has an acre and a half, at least two cars and one of them is normally a porsche. Athough if you google Walton-on-Thames you might find a story about Milly Dowler…
3) Not only were the girls riding on the pavement and getting in the pedestrians way, the car was driving at less than 5mph and getting in the traffics way.
4) The girls weren’t wearing helmets! Come on now, if you’re going to be overbearing paranoid lazy rich fuckwit parents, at least make your children wear helmets.

While googling I found this story. I love his quote at the end – read it with a Souf London accent “I’m not boverred…”. I do like most english people. Really. Well, at least 15% of them…

Strangely Nikolai


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