Strange Nikolai

not a stormtrooper

Archive for the tag “Bonjela”

Bonjela. The unspoken addiction.

Nobody talks about it, but that doesn’t make it less real. It’s swept under the rug like stale cornchips when your mother-in-law is visiting. It’s conveniently ignored like the KY in the bathroom cabinet. It’s kept behind closed doors like the gimp in the guest room closet… It’s one of the most addictive substances I’ve ever come across, and it claims to be healing! and I left mine at work.

The cravings are starting now, and not too difficult to deal with now – but pretty soon I’ll be hallucinating squirrels and sweating peanut butter, those squirrels love the peanut butter… nutty goodness… mmmm…

We give this stuff to babies for Jim’s sake!¬†What is in this stuff that we force into babies mouths? Actually the stuff I have is the “adult” bonjela. I didn’t even know you could get “adult” bonjela. What is the difference I hear you asking? Or do I hear you asking? Are the hallunications[sic] starting already? Is there some illicit/alcoholic substance in it. Are the Bonjela hallucinations adult-themed? Do the adult themed hallucinations involve Bonjela? That’s a level of kinky that surpasses even me – but because I’ve thought of it, it must exist. There’s a rule.

Well, I don’t know!! “It’s a mystery…“, he says in a whispered tone. I can’t even look at the tube, as I don’t have the tube with me. I could google it, but sometimes I like to keep a little mystery in my life…

And it STINGS. It stings so good. How do babies stand it? Are these teething toddlers terrified of this terrible toothgel, or do they, like me, treasure the titillating tingle and tantalising taste??

I don’t know – but I don’t have any. And I want some. I’m jonesing…

Strangely Nikolai


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