A real conversation:
Me: Bacon is overrated. I say meh to bacon.
Friend 1: Needs better bacon
Friend 2: Perhaps you just haven’t met the right bacon?
Friend 3: I don’t know if I can be friends with you any more..
Me: Ok, I’m just going to come out with it – I like kransky. Actually, I lurrve kransky. Can I pretend when people are saying bacon that actually they are saying kransky?
Friend 3: Poor mans bacon. I pity you. Swine > kransky.
Friend 4: *turns green* *quadruples in size*
Friend 5: Please tell me this was a frape? I have now read all of this. Nik, I am disappointed.
Friend 4: I have nothing against kransky. But I have even less against bacon. Clearly you’re not sampling the right bacon.
Friend 5: Irregardless of your kransky feelings, I’m not sure why you don’t like bacon. Have you been to herne hill butchers?
Me: I can’t help my feelings about bacon – and I’ve had all the best bacon there is to offer (I never said I didn’t like it btw – I just said it’s boring and overrated). You can’t “fix” me.
Friend 5: You’ve changed Nik, you’ve changed.
I know you probably don’t believe this happened because it is kind of unlikely that I have 5 friends – but this was on facebook so they’re “friends” in the facebook sense (j/k – you guys are all my real friends really. really really.).
So I bet you’re reading that and thinking I’m the baddie in that conversation. I am weird cos I don’t think bacon is “all that and a bag of pork scratchings”. But what happens if you replace the words bacon and kransky with “women” and “men”? or “christianity” and “buddhism”? Suddenly the table is turned and YOU ALL ARE BIGOTS!!! Suck on that – bacon lovers.
No, this is not me coming out in the man-loving or buddhist way (I’ve always thought you could be a buddhist and christian without any conflict – as long as you ignore the Church. I make it a point to ignore Churches – with a big C = institution, with a little c = buildings. I don’t ignore the buildings… that would be silly).
This is just me saying that this bacon obsession is a bit much. Sure, bacon is nice with some things. Bacon is ok. But the rampant bacon zealotry and idolotry is just way over the top. Leave it alone now please! I’ve had enough. I’m sure that some people treat it as an “ironic” commentary on the zealotry of other ideologies/pop culture/etc… but most people actually believe it now – and if you try and hide behind the term “post-ironic” you are just a pretentious idiot.
“It’s just an internet meme Nikolai, don’t fucking take it too seriously”. Damn you, I fucking well will fucking take it too fucking seriously – THAT IS WHAT I DO! And seriously, if you don’t think kransky > bacon there is something wrong with you. ;-p