Strange Nikolai

not a stormtrooper

Archive for the tag “pain”

Bonjela. The unspoken addiction.

Nobody talks about it, but that doesn’t make it less real. It’s swept under the rug like stale cornchips when your mother-in-law is visiting. It’s conveniently ignored like the KY in the bathroom cabinet. It’s kept behind closed doors like the gimp in the guest room closet… It’s one of the most addictive substances I’ve ever come across, and it claims to be healing! and I left mine at work.

The cravings are starting now, and not too difficult to deal with now – but pretty soon I’ll be hallucinating squirrels and sweating peanut butter, those squirrels love the peanut butter… nutty goodness… mmmm…

We give this stuff to babies for Jim’s sake! What is in this stuff that we force into babies mouths? Actually the stuff I have is the “adult” bonjela. I didn’t even know you could get “adult” bonjela. What is the difference I hear you asking? Or do I hear you asking? Are the hallunications[sic] starting already? Is there some illicit/alcoholic substance in it. Are the Bonjela hallucinations adult-themed? Do the adult themed hallucinations involve Bonjela? That’s a level of kinky that surpasses even me – but because I’ve thought of it, it must exist. There’s a rule.

Well, I don’t know!! “It’s a mystery…“, he says in a whispered tone. I can’t even look at the tube, as I don’t have the tube with me. I could google it, but sometimes I like to keep a little mystery in my life…

And it STINGS. It stings so good. How do babies stand it? Are these teething toddlers terrified of this terrible toothgel, or do they, like me, treasure the titillating tingle and tantalising taste??

I don’t know – but I don’t have any. And I want some. I’m jonesing…

Strangely Nikolai


Feel sorry for me

I has a booboo. This little foray into my personal life is probably not of any interest to normal blog readers (what is a “normal” blog reader?)  and may put people off reading in the future what has been up to now generally inane musings and hopefully humourous randomnimity. So please forgive me this vanity post. I’m in pain.

A brunette goes to the doctor and as she touches each part of her body with her finger she says, “Doctor it hurts everywhere. My leg hurts, my arm hurts, my neck hurts, and even my head hurts!” The doctor asks, “Were you ever a Blonde?”. “Yes, I was.” she replies. “Why do you ask?”. The doctor answers, “because your finger is broken!”

It’s an oldie but a baddie.

This is a phone pic so not the best, but yeah I smashed my index fingernail into a nail (a nail nail, or a wall nail, anyway it was metal and sticking out of the wall and about 15 cm long. Like proper big.) and it fecking hurts (I’m not swearing in this post 😉 ). It doesn’t help that I’m a 3 finger typer so every time I forget and hit a key with that finger I get pain shooting up my arm. Right now, I’m suffering for my art. If you can call this art. I really effing hope I don’t lose the fingernail. That would suck harder than paris hilton.

The good news is that the door and wall which had the nail in it is now dead. I killed it. I am the wallslayer. Fear my wally wrath. Grrr.

Today I will kill another wall, tomorrow we will have a “new” kitchen door, and in the next few weeks, a new kitchen. O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

Strangely Nikolai

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