Strange Nikolai

not a stormtrooper

Dirty Bird

Dirty bird, fried chicken, sometimes of the Kentucky variety… 11 secret herbs and spices, but somehow every other fried chicken place tastes pretty much the same. Not exactly but pretty much… I’ve had fried chicken all over the world… well, on opposite sides of the world at least… NZ chicken is fresher and more moist – which imho isn’t actually a good thing with fried chicken as the juices will drip out and scald your mouth. UK chicken can be great – especially when made in a primarily Caribbean community. They know their fried chicken.

Why am I posting about this? Cos. Just cos. Not the lettuce. The ‘cos that is short for because. Sort of. Am I making sense? I’ve not been well.

I haven’t had the dirty bird for some time now. But occasionally I get serious wantings for it. Wantings is not the same as cravings. Wantings is not particularly about flavour or nutritionally composition. Wantings is about how quick, easy, mostly-decisionless it is (there’s really only one thing on the “menu” – it’s chicken, crumbed with “secret” stuff and deep-fried), plus there is one special bit that I really LOVE eating.

It’s the blacked bone bits that indicate you can happily crunch away at them. Mmmmm bones. I feel like a giant. Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum-and-other-F-words (why can’t giants swear like normal people?) I’ll grind your bones and stuff like that… Sometimes these are on the end bits of long bones, but mostly it seems they are the bits where the ribs connect. Probably vertebrae. Mmmmm chicken spine. So tasty…

I’ve never eaten a chicken spine with a home-cooked meal. I’ve never even seen one when carving the chicken. Maybe the stuff at “chicken” stores is not actually “chicken”. Oh well. Maybe it’s the way they cut it – I can’t work that out either. I’m pretty sure it’s their cooking process that makes the bones crunchable and edible. Yum.

I’m hungry for deep fried bones. I wish the rest of it wasn’t so unhealthy…

Strangely Nikolai

 

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New Theme…

New theme, new theme, new theme. Why? Because. Just because.

Yes, it might have something to do with the fact I haven’t blogged in over a year. Things have changed since then (the WP admin site is changed so much I wrote this all in the wrong place and wondered for a whole day why I couldn’t see it on my main site… yes I’m blaming the site for changing, I didn’t forget how to WordPress… nope.. nosiree bob… all them… not me… you can’t prove nuffin).

And not just with WordPress Inc. (or whatever it is) but with me too. Oh I’m still the same grumpy person appreciating the funny side of tinternet and tworld in general – but I also got married, had a baby (well my wife did – ha ha, such a funny and original joke) not to mention had another “blog” going on the side (actually a webcomic www.satyrical.co.uk – it’s on a bit of a break now as I just don’t have time to draw…)

So what brought me back? Honestly – I read another (very funny) blog, liked and followed, then they commented on one of my old posts (thanks Kate!), I got an email and had to authorise it in the dashboard (wow – this is sounding like a boring process). Anyway it brought me back into my blog and I realised I missed it and didn’t like the design.

Also, I need some escapism right now. Work is all stress at the moment, and the weather is meh. My baby boy Jack is awesome, but hard work too.

So what shall we talk about?

N

bacon is meh

A real conversation:
Me:            Bacon is overrated. I say meh to bacon.
Friend 1:   Needs better bacon
Friend 2:   Perhaps you just haven’t met the right bacon?
Friend 3:   I don’t know if I can be friends with you any more..
Me:            Ok, I’m just going to come out with it – I like kransky. Actually, I lurrve kransky. Can I pretend when people are saying bacon that actually they are saying kransky?
Friend 3:   Poor mans bacon. I pity you. Swine > kransky.
Friend 4: ‎  *turns green* *quadruples in size*
Friend 5:   Please tell me this was a frape? I have now read all of this. Nik, I am disappointed.
Friend 4:   I have nothing against kransky. But I have even less against bacon. Clearly you’re not sampling the right bacon.
Friend 5:   Irregardless of your kransky feelings, I’m not sure why you don’t like bacon. Have you been to herne hill butchers?
Me:               I can’t help my feelings about bacon – and I’ve had all the best bacon there is to offer (I never said I didn’t like it btw – I just said it’s boring and overrated). You can’t “fix” me.
Friend 5:   You’ve changed Nik, you’ve changed.

I know you probably don’t believe this happened because it is kind of unlikely that I have 5 friends – but this was on facebook so they’re “friends” in the facebook sense (j/k – you guys are all my real friends really. really really.).

So I bet you’re reading that and thinking I’m the baddie in that conversation. I am weird cos I don’t think bacon is “all that and a bag of pork scratchings”. But what happens if you replace the words bacon and kransky with “women” and “men”? or “christianity” and “buddhism”? Suddenly the table is turned and YOU ALL ARE BIGOTS!!! Suck on that – bacon lovers.

No, this is not me coming out in the man-loving or buddhist way (I’ve always thought you could be a buddhist and christian without any conflict – as long as you ignore the Church. I make it a point to ignore Churches – with a big C = institution, with a little c = buildings. I don’t ignore the buildings… that would be silly).

This is just me saying that this bacon obsession is a bit much. Sure, bacon is nice with some things. Bacon is ok. But the rampant bacon zealotry and  idolotry is just way over the top. Leave it alone now please! I’ve had enough.  I’m sure that some people treat it as an “ironic” commentary on the zealotry of other ideologies/pop culture/etc… but most people actually believe it now – and if you try and hide behind the term “post-ironic” you are just a pretentious idiot.

“It’s just an internet meme Nikolai, don’t fucking take it too seriously”. Damn you, I fucking well will fucking take it too fucking seriously – THAT IS WHAT I DO! And seriously, if you don’t think kransky > bacon there is something wrong with you. ;-p

Strangely Nikolai

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